


The Egg

by HyphenL



Category: Boruto: Naruto Next Generations, Naruto, cheating - Fandom, internalised homophobia - Fandom
Genre: Asexual!Sasuke, F/M, Idiots in Love, Jerks in Love, M/M, Sexual Harassment, neither of them know how to handle things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-29
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-07-04 03:04:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15832449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HyphenL/pseuds/HyphenL
Summary: Everything is fine in Naruto's life -dream job, wonderful wife, cute kids- until Sasuke drops an egg.





	1. An Egg

**Author's Note:**

> One: Sasuke wasn't supposed to drop an egg, he's a fucking ninja. Two: oh, no.
> 
> NB: I know these aren't the correct dialogue ". But my computer is not English, it does not compute (and I hadn't thought of the ctrl+find option back then).

‘Guess what I brought!’ Naruto yells, brandishing an Ichiraku take-away bag.

Sasuke sighs, but has to repress a small smile creeping on his face.

‘Again?’

‘ALWAYS!’ the Hokage replies, excitedly. He puts the bags on his desk and starts getting the large bowls out of it.

Sasuke quickly stashes the documents he was working on away. ‘Watch it!’

‘Gaaah, sorry Sas’!’

‘I said I would _help_ with your work, not do it from scratch, and certainly _not_ if it gets covered in ramen.’

‘C’me on, stop whining. Here, I got you Katsudon, with an egg.’

‘Funny how you remember my order better than you own duties.’

Naruto laughs, then grabs a chair to sit next to his friend. ‘Thanks to the cook!’ he grins before digging in.

Sasuke shrugs and starts working on his own bowl with less haste. He’s not even done with half his meal when Naruto pushes his empty bowl away with a happy sigh.

‘Aaah, man, I really needed that!’

He gets up to stretched around in his office, then stops by the window to look at the peaceful village. A small, disgruntled huff gets his attention: Sasuke let an halve of his boiled egg slip in-between chopsticks.

He bends forwards and grabs it gently before it hits the floor. ‘How sloppy of you.’

‘Shut up.’

Naruto grins widely and hands the egg over —before changing his mind.

‘Say ‘ahhhh’…’

‘What the hell Naruto, I’m not your fucking kid.’

‘Didn’t say you were’ Naruto says with an aggravating smile. ‘Open wide!’

Sasuke frowns, but Naruto is playing. Idiot. He puts his chopsticks down neatly, then looks straight at his friend’s face and parts his lips. ‘Aaaaah.’

Naruto stiffens. ‘Wha— Bastard, what are you doing?’

Sasuke rises an eye-brown, not breaking eye contact. ‘What, you chickening out?’

He thought Naruto would come to his senses and back off, but the newest Hokage is dumb through and through, and takes that as a challenge to shove the halved egg in his friend’s open mouth with determination. ‘Here! Who’s the stuffed chicken now, ah!’

Sasuke was too surprised to choke on it, so he gently takes the morcel that’s still out while biting the other off. ‘Moron.’

He expected Naruto to laugh, and is surprised by the following silence. The blond man is looking at him with a weird look on his face. ‘What?’

Some of the yolk is slipping out, so he licks at it before sucking it out of its socket. Naruto come back to sit next to him, his face perplexed.

Before Sasuke can pick the other half of his egg, Naruto snatches it between two fingers.

‘You’re annoying.’ Sasuke mumbles. ‘Give that back.’

‘Here.’

Naruto presents the egg in front of his lips.

‘What do you want me to do with that? Put it down so I can have it’ Sasuke demands, annoyed.

‘Nah, just open up.’

Naruto looks far too serious, it’s unnerving.

‘Why the heck would I do that?’ Sasuke hisses. ‘Just put it down already!’

‘I wanna check something.’

‘Your life expectancy? It’s getting lower by the minute.’

‘Just fucking indulge me, would you?’

Sasuke ponders about hitting him. Naruto looks quite serious, but that could still be a prank. On the other hand, Sasuke has _no idea_ what he’s getting at, and he hates not knowing something.

‘Explain.’

‘I can’t.’

‘Then no.’

‘I can’t because _I don’t really know myself_ ’ Naruto sighs, a tad impatiently. ‘I’m trying to understand.’

‘Hmpf.’ Sasuke ponders for a bit, but Naruto looks slightly miserable, as if he’s really at a loss. He sighs. ‘Okay. But if it’s a prank of some sort, you won’t be seeing me for at least three months.’

‘I’ll live with that’ Naruto grins —but Sasuke knows he won’t, because he’s got this compulsive need to check on him.

He fights the urge to roll his eyes before parting his lips again. Naruto slips the boiled egg in gently, looking surprisingly focused, like he’s trying to understand some complicated jutsu. Sasuke bites down, puzzled. It’s irritating not knowing what’s going on. Plus, it feels disgustingly intimate, for some reason. He feels his hair rising on his neck and arm, trying to look as composed as usual. If that weren’t _Naruto_ , he’d have punched the guy by now.

The only think stopping him from hitting him is that equally dumbfounded look on his friend’s face.

‘So?’ he asks after swallowing the bite. ‘What was that all about?’

‘I don’t know!’ Naruto yelps helplessly. ‘It feels… It feels weird!’

‘Then why did you do it?’ Sasuke replies, annoyed. He takes his bowl and starts scraping the rice.

‘Well, because it felt… Didn’t you feel it?’

‘I’ll hit you, idiot. Just spit it out already.’

‘ _I have no idea_.’

Naruto looks really upset now. He clenches his fists and lowers his head. ‘Like… both sad and happy at the same time? Like something is bound to happen, but I don’t know what? It’s sort of… infuriating!’

‘Then don’t do it again.’

‘But I _want_ to do it again’ Naruto mumbles, almost sulking.

Sasuke shrugs. He sort of understand the feeling Naruto is babbling about, not that he particularly liked it. It felt like sharing some sort of special connection for a moment. Something that ought to be kept from everyone else. It’s unnerving, and made him feel really vulnerable. He hates it.

‘Maybe… maybe I like feeding you stuff?’ Naruto ponders.

‘Maybe you like feeding stuff to everyone.’

The blond idiot thinks about it. ‘You know what? Maybe I do. I mean, I never felt _that way_ about it, but maybe I wasn’t paying attention? I should go home and try feeding my kids… Well, no, that actually feels wrong.’

‘I don’t think they’d let you’ Sasuke points out. ‘What about Hinata?’

Naruto ponders. ‘Yeah… Uh… I don’t know… I _could_ try.’ He doesn’t seem really convinced.

Then he slides Sasuke a glace. ‘But, uh… You know, I the meantime…’

‘Fuck off.’


	2. Not An Egg

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto's eggy problem has him perplexed, so he works out a solution. Sasuke isn't happy about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight NaruHina at the beginning.

‘Hey, hon’, can I ask you something?’

‘Since you’re already glued to my back…’ Hinata answers gently. She’s peelings vegetables for this night’s ramen. She always cooks ramen when Naruto comes home. One would think one could tire of eating ramen all the time —but the Hokage is barely home once a week, and Hinata makes of point of not cooking for his shadow clones.

Naruto chuckles, his mouth nuzzling her neck, scenting the delicious miso smell rising for the boiling water.

‘So, what is it?’ Her tone is gentle, but Naruto can sense her slight impatience. She’s a bit tense about him not coming back home in person last week.

‘Well, you know Sas’ke been back for a few days, right?’

‘Really?’ That explains why he’s beaming.

‘We were having lunch at my office, take-away ramen y’know, Ichikaru’s been delivering since I took charge as Hokage—‘

‘Darling…’ Hinata pressed on.

‘Oh yeah, right. To the point, ‘ttebayo! Well, I kinda figured out I _liked_ watching him eat stuff. Is that weird or not?’

Hinata pauses, putting down the knife she’s using to cut down carrots. ‘What do you mean by ‘like’?’

‘I don’t know, really’ he chuckles, pressing distracted kisses in her hair. ‘Maybe I have some sort of food-feeding fetish?’ He grins wider and cuddles tighter. ‘So, maybe, tonight we could…’

Hinata sighs, then smiles gently. Naruto’s not often back, but when he is they always do two things: eat ramen, and have amazing sex. If anything, Naruto is holding back on the later, because he has way too much stamina for her to endure.

She would have managed the Uzumaki’s incommensurable endurance, but the Kyubi’s chakra gives him far too much of a head-start. She’s not sure if anyone is a match for her husband in that area. Only Sasuke offers a proper sparing challenge, but Naruto seems too resilient even for him.

Her husband slides a hand on the counter to pick a tiny morsel of raw carrot, then rises it up to his wife’s lips.

Hinata opens her mouth, and he gently pushes it in. Her tongue feels moist and hot against his fingers.

It _does_ feel good, he decides. Sort of sexy. He enjoyed seing her complying to his whim. And he’s definitely getting ready for other things now.

But it’s not the same. What happened with Sasuke wasn’t sexual in nature, because they’re both men. But it felt intense, and Naruto has not idea why. He keeps picturing Sasuke’s lips parting to let him push food in. Maybe he’s obsessed over it because Sasuke so rarely bares his vulnerable side, even though he’s been relaxing over the years.

Hinata’s lips are even more beautiful (since she’s a woman), so he leans in to kiss them. ‘Hey, maybe we could, ya know… skip dinner?’

Oddly enough, she doesn’t answer with her usual, gentle smile. ‘I’d rather finish making the meal, dear.’

On another day, she would be protesting a little that the kids are soon to be home, but comply bashfully. But she’s a tiny bit upset and Naruto doesn’t know why.

So he picks up a knife. ‘D’ya want some help chopping those evil vegetables?’

Now, here’s Hinata’s smile again.

 

*

 

This time, Naruto joined Sasuke outside the village. His teleportation jutsu is not strong enough yet to carry him that far away from home, but he coaxed Orochimaru into lending him two scrolls that allow teleporting in-between them. It only works if both scrolls are open though, so Naruto can only travel if Sasuke allows it (he leaves his own scroll open in the small room adjacent to his office, so his friend can come in anytime without using the Rinnegan).

He brought Ichiraku’s take-away with him so they’ve been eating side by side before resting silently against a wide tree truck. They discussed Sasuke’s mission, Naruto talked about Konoha, his family and kids, but now they’re simply gazing, looking at the beautiful landscape in front of them.

Naruto can’t stop glancing at Sasuke’s lips, for some reason. They’re something itchy that holds a grasp on him and he must understand.

Sasuke sighs. ‘What is it?’

Naruto looks away. ‘What?’

‘You’re staring.’

‘I’m not!’ Though he blushes. ‘I was thinking.’

‘Looks painful.’

‘Bastard.’

Naruto smiles and comes to kneel besides his friend. ‘Okay, remember last time?’

‘Which one?’

Maybe they see each other too often, because Sasuke is actually wondering.

‘The one in my office, with the egg.’

Sasuke stills. _That_ last time. ‘What about it?’

‘Well, I… err.’ Naruto’s smile falters. ‘I’ve been discussing it with Hinata, because it really puzzled me, ya know…’

Of course he would be babbling about such a private moment with his wife. Sasuke ponders about hitting him, then Rinneganing out of there. Especially since his friend is now ranting about his sex life.

‘… so we tried _that_ , but… I dunno, it wasn’t the same.’

‘Having kinky sex with your wife wasn’t the same as pranking a friend? How baffling.’

‘I wasn’t a prank, and it wasn’t kinky!’ Naruto explains, blushing furiously. He seems mad. ‘It’s totally different, you’re a guy!’

Sasuke fights the urge to either punch him or roll his eyes. ‘What did Hinata say about _that?_ ’

‘Nothing, really’ Naruto replies, looking as if he were trying to recall. Then he grins. ‘We kinda… ya know.’

Sasuke doesn’t but really doesn’t feel like investigating. ‘Why are we talking about this, again?’

‘Well, that’s because, uh.’

Naruto sends him a coy look. If they hadn’t scrapped their bowls clean, Sasuke would have believed he wanted a repeat performance.

‘Do ya think it may be a Sage thing?’

‘A Sage thing.’

‘Yes, as in, related to our special connection. Somehow.’ The blond man doesn’t seem very convinced by his own explanation, but he’s also trying to hide his anxiety on the subject, so Sasuke decides to indulge him.

‘No way’ he replies, without punching him. ‘I don’t think gods are pushing you to have… whatever _this_ is… with feeding people.’

‘Aah, but it’s not _people_!’ Naruto explains proudly, as if he held superior knowledge over his friend. ‘As I said, it didn’t feel the same with Hinata at all!’

‘So… you want to keep feeding me eggs’ Sasuke offers, fighting the urge to either run away or growl in annoyance. ‘Whatever, I’m not into it.’

‘That’s not what I meant’ Naruto says, almost reproachful. ‘Besides, we’ve already eaten everything.’

Sasuke wonders at his own patience. He’s been getting very lax about Naruto these last years.

‘What do you want?’

Naruto stills. ‘It’s weird.’

‘Fine. Let’s not. Problem solved.’

‘But I _need_ to understand this’ Naruto pleads, almost gently. This is really getting to him, for some reason.

‘Maybe you like my mouth. Just take a picture of it and leave me be.’

‘I’m not kidding when I say it might be related to Sage stuff, ya know! I feel this odd pull, like… like…’

‘Okay. Say it so we can go back to having a nice, quiet time.’

Naruto fidgets awkwardly. ‘Fine. Don’t hit me.’

‘I’ll hit you if I want to, moron.’

His friend gulps, avoiding his eyes. ‘Can I put a finger in your mouth?’

Sasuke frowns. He probably heard that right. What the fresh hell.

‘No.’

‘I know it’s weird! But I— I _need_ to understand what’s going on!’

‘You’re not sticking anything in my mouth.’

‘It’s just a finger!’

‘I’ll bite it off.’

‘That’s why I’m _asking_ ’ Naruto points out, exasperated. ‘I’m not an idiot, I know it’s a super strange request to make!’

He looks miserable. Sasuke used to ignore him then, but he’s grown to feel really bad himself when that happens. He sighs in irritation.

‘Fine! But you wash your hands first, and no funny business!’

In all fairness, he has no idea how this could get any ‘funnier’. Why would Naruto want to stick a finger in his mouth? Is he secretly concerned by his dental hygiene, maybe? Sasuke doesn’t remember Sakura saying anything about that during his last check up.

Naruto ran to the nearby spring to wash himself, and Sasuke feels suddenly nervous. Is this actually about sex, in some sort of twisted way? His friend mentioned trying that with his wife. He also seems to believe men can’t have sex together. What is happening in his stupid, moronic brain?

Sasuke sighs, then sits up against the huge tree behind him. He’ll let him do his little, weird investigation, and hopefully Naruto will understand by himself whatever this is. Maybe he’s under a jutsu.

When Naruto comes back, his friend feels anxiety tearing at his insides, but doesn’t let it show. Hopefully this stops now, because it’s not just weird, it’s infuriating.

 

*

 

Naruto seems worried too, and Sasuke wonders why he doesn’t call it off, as both of them are so uncomfortable.

His friend kneels besides him again and puts both his hands on his cheeks, cold from the spring water. His eyes shine with blue determination. Sasuke feels a thumb graze lightly at his lower lip, before gently pushing in. Naruto’s gaze is focused on his mouth, so Sasuke allows himself to tighten his firsts.

It is, again, _intimate_. The thumb pushes slightly on his tongue, and Sasuke discovers it is strong and wet and hot. The finger traces his teeth, slowly, almost shyly. It is too short to reach the back of his mouth and Naruto frowns in frustration.

Saliva is pooling in Sasuke’s mouth. He didn’t want to come to this, but it _is_ better than drooling, so he swallows, unwillingly sucking on the finger in the process. Naruto gasps and pulls his thumb away.

He didn’t remove his hands from the sides of his faces, but Sasuke feels relieved. He licks his lips to make sure no saliva escaped and sighs. ’Are you done?’

‘Can I kiss you?’

Sasuke looks at him in shock. His friend’s eye are unfocused, like he’s in a world of his own.

‘Absolutely not’ he answers, pushing him harshly away. He’s about to open a portal to Konoha with the Rinnegan to shove the idiot through it when Naruto grabs his shoulders.

‘What! Why not?’

‘What do you mean, ‘why not’? _How isn’t it obvious?_ ’

‘My fingers aren’t enough! I need to touch you properly, that’s all! How isn’t _this_ obvious?’

Dear Kaguya, the moron is an idiot.

‘You’re married’ Sasuke reminds him calmly.

‘ _What has that to do with anything?_ ’ Naruto shouts in irritation.

Sasuke is running out of ways to call him an idiot.

‘Do you think Hinata would be fine with you kissing other people?’

‘But you’re _a guy_ ’ Naruto replies, as if this were self-explanatory.

Sasuke activates his Rinnegan and opens a portal to Konoha.

‘I’ll cut you a deal’ he says. ‘If you manage to convince both Hinata _and_ Sakura that it’s okay for us to kiss, I’ll allow it once. Now _fuck off_.’

With that, he pushes Naruto through the portal and quickly grabs the open teleportation scroll to roll it tightly. There’s no way he’s opening _that_ again.


	3. Cracked Egg

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke said Naruto need both Hinata's and Sakura's permission to kiss him once. It surprisingly doesn't go that well.

‘No.’

‘What? But…’

‘You asked for permission, and I am not giving it.’

‘But you don’t understand…’ Naruto pleads. ‘I told you, it’s like this _connection_ , this… it’s the Sage business again!’

Hinata’s Byakugan almost starts off on its own. ‘Please do not drag the gods into this.’

Naruto seems sincere. He really, _actually_ believes asking to kiss someone else is a normal request to make to your wife, at least in regards to Sasuke.

‘Would you let me kiss anyone else?’ she snaps.

Naruto doesn’t seem taken aback. ‘Of course not! But you don’t have _anyone_ who has the same connection I have with Sasuke! Plus, it’s not the same at all, I’m not talking about _cheating_!’

This is tiresome. Hinata knows it always comes to trouble when it’s about Sasuke, but this is just too much.

‘And what does _he_ think about it?’

‘He says he’s allow it if you’re okay with it!’ Naruto shouts. ‘See? He’s _really_ not into it, but he’s being helpful at least! That could be important!’

Not into it? ‘Why would he agree to that if he doesn’t want it?’

‘ _Because_ ’ Naruto explains patiently, ‘it could be Sage related.’

Hinata loves her husband, but she knows how dumb he can act at times. On the other hand, she doesn’t like Sasuke, though _he_ can act actually smart.

‘What about his own wife?’

‘I’d have to get permission too’ Naruto states. ‘I don’t get why everyone thinks this is such a big deal! He’s a _guy_ , for kami’s sake!’

‘Men can love each others’ Hinata points out, trying her best not to snap again.

‘What? Eww, no, that’s not it!’ Naruto grimaces. ‘We’re not in one of these Icha Icha fantasies, ya know.’

Hinata wonders if hitting her husband now would count as marital violence. Anyways, that’s not her style.

‘That actually happens. In actual life. And with women too.’

Naruto seems skeptical. ‘Then why don’t I know anyone like that in Konoha?’ he asks. ‘Plus, everyone is fine fantasizing about it, but if you act in the wrong way people are immediately grossed out. So yeah, I’m not buying it. Besides, that’s not the point.’

‘The point is, _Naruto_ , kissing someone, _anyone_ else without my permission, would be cheating.’

He frowns. ‘I don’t get it. You’re usually so understanding.’

‘I am not sharing my husband. I already see you far less than _he_ gets to see you, apparently.’

He seems really upset though, and Hinata hates that.

‘You know what?’ she sighs. ‘Discuss this with Sakura. Maybe she will help you gain a little perspective.’

 

*

 

If by getting perspective Hinata implied ‘getting punched furiously and almost dying’, then Naruto was, by all means, getting _a lot_ of perspective.

‘ _Why does everyone take it the wrong way?_ ’ he yelps, keeping the ninja at bay by holding her with golden chakra hands.

‘Did _he_ put you up to this?’ Sakura growls.

‘I’m starting to think he actually wanted to discourage me! Can’t we just talk, instead of throwing punches?’

‘ _Talk?_ About how you want to kiss _my husband?_ ’

‘But it’s Sage stuff’ he whines, disheartened. Why was he the only one actually caring about that?

‘How is kissing _my husband_ related to the gods?’

‘ _I don’t know! That_ ’s why I have to find out!’

Held back by his chakra hands, Sakura stops punching at the air. ‘Do you really believe that?’

He nods. ‘I know it’s weird, Sakura-chan. But I _need_ to get to the bottom of this. I’ve got this… it’s like, fated, ya know? I know something needs to happen. I feel it in my guts.’

‘In your guts, or in your groin?’

Naruto yelps. ‘Why is everyone so fixated on that. He’s a _guy_!’

He doesn’t have time to whine more, as a tear falls from Sakura’s cheek.

‘Wait, Sakura, don’t cry…’

He puts her down next to him. ‘I didn’t want to upset you!’ he apologizes, throwing a gently hand around her shoulders. ‘You know, I’m weirded out by this as it is, I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t believe it was really important.’

‘I know’ she snobs quietly. ‘And I’m not mad at you, not really. I think… I think I’m mad at myself.’

‘What? Why! You’re amazing, Sakura-chan!’

He grins and she sends him a weak smile back. ‘I put my hopes in the wrong place’ she sniffs. ‘You know, I have barely seen him at all, this year.’

Naruto startles. ‘But… he’s been in Konoha at least—‘

‘I know. He comes to your office. He comes to see _you_.’

‘I’m sure he loves you, in his own way’ he smiles reassuringly. ‘He’s not a very open person, as you know.’

A new tear falls from her face as she tries to hold a smile. ‘Open enough to talk about _kissing_.’

‘In his defense, he mostly talked about _not_ kissing. He’s sort of against it, I think, even though it could be important. I mean, Sage—’

‘Don’t. If you want permission to kiss Sasuke then, fine, you have it. You’re allowed. But don’t pull this Sage crap on me, when you don’t believe it yourself.’

‘What else could it be?’ Naruto frowns. ‘Unless it’s some sort of jutsu.’

She gives him a pained look. ‘You really _are_ an idiot.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly? Poor Sakura. The Boruto story does her so dirty. If you're going to write SasuSaku, at least, well. Write SasuSaku?? I can excuse lots of things from mangakas given how overworked they are, but Sasuke abandoning his family can't be explained in any way.


	4. No Egg

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto gets what he wants. He should have thought it through.

Sasuke opened the teleportation scroll with a sigh. It was high time he gave his report back to the Hokage, as much as he didn’t want to face Naruto. Plus, he needed to discuss details and his friend’s handwriting was a mess.

In the meantime, he read the letter he had received from his wife. Sakura was upset, and forbad him officially from ever kissing their mutual, annoying friend. As if he wanted that.

These past experiments of his had felt weird enough. They stirred _feelings_ in him, and Sasuke would rather fight an army of Sages than face _those_.

Naruto was dumb enough to believe this was related to them being soul mates. Well, maybe it was, actually. It sort of make sense that, as they were fated to live and die as two sides of a same coin, there would be side effects.

Not by kissing though. Kissing was boring, and messy. Sasuke hated kissing. He avoided it as much as possible, mostly by not meeting with his wife more than necessary. Sex had been disgusting enough. He was really glad they had gotten a daughter out of it rather fast, because he really had a hard time pretending he didn’t feel like dying inside every time _that_ happened. Now he had a daughter, an heir for the Uchiha clan and the Sharingan, he had accomplished his duty and didn’t need to go through _that_ ever again.

Why would anyone enjoy _that_ was beyond him.

‘I got you Katsudon!’ Naruto joyously exclaimed while popping through the teleportation scroll. He sat besides his friend and added, teasingly ‘no egg.’

Sasuke sighed, then smiled a little, relieved. That was it. ‘ _No egg_ ’.

‘You’re a cold bastard, you know that? Keeping that scroll closed for more than four months! You could at least have given me some news!’

‘I need to discuss my mission with you, _Hokage-sama_ ’ Sasuke replied, insisting on Naruto’ status so he’d get the point across. He’d allowed him back for business, not inept chit-chat.

‘Alright grumps, shoot!’

Naruto seemed far too happy to see him. He knew the blond missed him (and to be fair, he did miss him too), but that looked a little forced. He acted almost professional with the mission report and only stole Sasuke’s fishcake out of his bowl. And if he kept glancing at Sasuke’s lips when he ate, at least he had the decency to look away when caught.

So, things were back to normal. He would have to thank Hinata for that, as Sakura clearly didn’t care about protecting him from Naruto as much as reminding him he officially belonged with her. He wasn’t a huge fan of the Hyuga, but at least she was quiet and behaved. Maybe he should have married _her_.

With a sight, he learned back to lie in the soft grass and closed his eyes.

He was about to enjoy the quiet when he felt Naruto fidget besides him.

‘Mmm, you know… err… I’ve talked with Hinata and Sakura-chan about, well… a-and… they sorta said… yes.’

 

*

 

Naruto had decided he would let the whole matter go. Sasuke was ignoring him, Hinata was upset, and Sakura had cried over it: it was _not_ worth it. If a new Kaguya suddenly crawled out of Sasuke’s mouth, he’ll just plummet her into the ground. As always.

Besides, he felt so relieved when he’d noticed his teleportation scroll had _finally_ opened. He’d ordered take-away, rushed through his meeting and jumped right though it.

Only… only…

Sasuke didn’t look the same. Well, mostly he did but…

Naruto wasn’t blind, that man was eye candy. He’d considered using him in his Harem technique, but he didn’t want to bear with the (lethal) consequences of asking him to. Plus, wearing his appearance would feel _weird_.

Maybe not seeing him for four months had changed Sasuke, but Naruto suspected it had mostly changed _him_.

This _had_ to be Sage-related.

He felt like he couldn’t tear his eyes away from him, as if he’d never properly _looked_ at him before. Was he always so gracious? Why hadn’t he noticed his eyes before? Sasuke had to have had eyes, right? And the way his lips moved…

Looking at him eat was _torture_.

When Sasuke laid back in the grass, his hair like a dark sun under his pale, tranquil face, Naruto felt his stomach twist and turn on itself, as if attacked by some strange, nasty bout of magic.

This definitely _was_ Sage-related.

He lied through his teeth, pretending he’d gotten their wives’ permission to kiss, but that was for the greater good, right? Somehow, he was certain he would _die_ if he didn’t kiss Sasuke then and there.

Sasuke opened his gorgeous dark eyes pensively.

‘You’re really set on this, are you?’

 

*

 

Naruto looked sick. That never happened, as Kurama’s chakra cured him of almost everything instantly. Yet he was looking at Sasuke looking terminally ill, pale, trembling, almost feverish. He would probably puke if Sasuke said no, and Sasuke didn’t want to be puked on.

So he stood up. ‘Why is this so important to you?’

‘I don’t now’ Naruto whispered pathetically. ‘I wish I knew.’ He slowly rose to his feet. ‘Is something wrong with me? You don’t feel the same way, right, bastard?’

Sasuke did _not_. He hated kissing. He didn’t want Sakura to punch him in the face when he’d see her again, although he’d rather take that than her kissing him ( _that’s_ how much he hated kissing). But Naruto looked so…

Sasuke sighed. Maybe that was just a phase. Something that would fade out, eventually. He could just avoid seing Naruto for… about… maybe…

Naruto _never_ gave up.

Fuck, Sasuke would have to avoid him until he died, and maybe even after that.

‘Fine’ he muttered, although he was not. Now _he_ wanted to throw up, because he was setting himself up to being kissed, and that always felt messy, boring and gross. He’d have to stand still and pretend very hard to be actually fine, so he put on his blank face and greeted his teeth.

‘I _said_ I’d allow one go if you managed to convince our wives. So yeah, do your thing.’

He managed not to flinch when Naruto approached to face him, but tensed up when he put gentle hands on either side of his waist.

He should have set up conditions, his panicked brain ranted. He should have forbidden _touching!_

At least it was Naruto, so it didn’t feel _that_ awful. Naruto had gotten to touch him quite a bit, these latter years, and Sasuke had gotten used to it. His hands pressing on his sides actually felt sort of reassuring, as if his friend was sensing his nervousness.

He closed his eyes, fists clenched, trying to relax. This was just a stupid moment to overcome.

Naruto lips felt really soft against his. He’d never guessed his friend could gather that much gentleness. He felt a bit awkward now, to have tensed up so much for such a little thing. Hesitantly, he slid his arm around Naruto’s shoulders and the blond man got his own hands on his back.

That felt… okay. Hugging was fine.

Fingers grazed his neck and he gasped at the feeling. His neck had always been very sensitive. Somehow, Naruto managed to avoid his touch feeling overwhelming.

His lips had parted ever so slightly, and he felt the tip of a tongue gently push them open.

That’s right, that mess had started because Naruto had a thing for shoving stuff into his mouth.

He repressed an annoyed moan and spread his lips, so this would get over sooner.

But Naruto was taking his time. He kept kissing him in the softest way, pressing him gently against his chest, so sweetly Sasuke eventually relaxed into the touch. This wasn’t so bad.

It felt actually nice when Naruto finally started to deepen the kiss, running his hands against his friend’s back and into his hair.

Sasuke discovered with a gasp he enjoyed fingers combing through his hair.

When they grazed at his neck, down his back along the vertebrae, it sent a shiver down his spine.

His breath shortened and these hands kept caressing him, and a small voice in his psyche kept asked, ‘is this a kiss? Is this _really_ a kiss? How can a kiss feel _that good_?’

He moaned, the sound swallowed by the heated set of lips on his own, still soft but not so gentle anymore.

Heat pooled in his stomach, tugging at his insides, as he grabbed Naruto’s shirt in a clenched fist.

‘Fu… f…’ he gritted his teeth as the mouth suddenly left his to land on the side of his neck, and he felt his legs weaken. He wasn’t sure that was pleasure or pain, the burning sensation of these lips on skin, so overwhelming he had to rely on Naruto for support. A breath escaped him as teeth grazed his neck and he suddenly found himself on the floor, pressed hard against the soft grass by a warm, strong body over his.

He wasn’t really sure what was going on anymore. A mouth came back to his, kissing and nibbling and biting softly, with his tongue licking afterward on the bite to soothe the tingly feeling it’d left. He felt fingers running through his hair, caressing his neck and shoulders, while another strong hand slid behind his back to press him upwards into Naruto’s hips.

For some reason, he’d parted his legs to accommodate him and was now pushing his tights against his sides, bending and straightening his legs around the other’s.

He wanted _something_ , though he didn’t know what.

His breath was now entirely erratic, and the clenched fingers of his arm most probably had scratched Naruto’s back. He almost cried in frustration. He didn’t know what he needed, he just knew he _needed_ it and Naruto wasn’t giving it to him!

He was about to kiss him back, hoping that would somehow solve the issue, when Naruto suddenly stopped and kneeled back, disheveled and _terrified_.

‘You’re making sex noises!’ he blurted, though Sasuke had no idea what he was talking about.

He felt hot and tingly, but a wave of cool air ripped that sensation away. Naruto had gotten up.

‘You were making _sex noises!_ We were having _sex!_ ’

Most definitely _not_. Sex felt awkward, boring, and Sasuke always hated himself afterwards. That could have _not_ been further than sex.

‘Oh no. Oh no, they were right, Hinata was right!’ Naruto muttered, his blue eyes wide in shock. ‘This is not Sage-related _at all!_ ’

Sasuke slowly got up, still disoriented, sliding a hand through his messed up hair. ‘What?’

He sort of felt like he was the butt of a joke. A nasty, hurtful joke.

‘ _We’re not doing this again!_ ’ Naruto yelled in a high-pitched voice before running to the teleportation scroll and disappearing into thin air.

Through his confusion, all Sasuke could think was how he’d left him with Ichiraku’s dirty bowls again.


	5. Omelett

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura is not happy about the whole ordeal.

Naruto, in full-on Hokage attire, sulked. He looked sort of pathetic, but Sakura didn’t have it in her to be nice after what he’d told her.

‘Here’s the scroll.’

He handed her the teleporting device and avoided his gaze. ‘Sorry about that.’

Sakura opened the scroll to study the jutsu embedded on it. ‘You said it turns red when the other one is opened?’

‘Uh? Yeah.’

Sakura rolled back the scroll and was about to close the door on him when she remembered a detail. ‘You said you stopped because of the _noises_. Does that mean he was being _noisy?_ ’

‘Well, uh, yeah… As you know, he’s kind of… vocal.’

She slammed the door to his face.

 

*

 

To say Sasuke was surprised when Sakura popped out the teleporting scroll was an understatement.

He’d only waited two months before opening it again, mostly because he had new details to add about his mission, but also because he needed to talk.

He hated _talking_ , so this was urgent.

He’d caught a serious case of _feelings_ , and didn’t know what to do about them. He needed Naruto to understand his boundaries once and for all, so they would never get into that kind of mess again.

Apparently, Naruto agreed.

‘Do I have to summon Susanoo?’ Sasuke sighed when he saw his wife appear.

Sakura looked pissed, but she didn’t punch him. ‘I told you _not_ to kiss him.’

‘I thought he needed a taste to get over it.’

‘And how well did that turn out.’

‘He ran away like his tail was on fire.’

‘He’s been fighting with Hinata for weeks!’

Sasuke bit his lips. ‘He wouldn’t let go. You know him, he’s like a leech. He wouldn’t have let go. Now he’s over it.’

Sakura seemed to swallow her reply like an acrid lemon. ‘You think he’s over it?’

‘You wouldn’t worry if you’d seen his face.’

Sasuke actually felt sort of vexed by the cheer terror he remembered. He hadn’t registered it properly at the time, but clearly Naruto was _disgusted_.

‘He handed the teleportation scroll over, didn’t he? He won’t meet me again.’ For some reason, Sasuke felt a tug at his heart, that reminded him of the time Madara had him impaled on a sword and almost killed.

‘I _still_ told you not to kiss him’ Sakura reminded him.

‘So? He lied about it. He was not letting go.’

‘Come on, Sasuke! I barely ever see you, you almost never send me any news —how are we married if you can’t even _avoid kissing other people?_ ’

Sasuke glared at her. ‘We have a kid together.’

‘A daughter who barely knows her dad!’

‘We had this discussion already.’ He was not in the mood for it. ‘I’ll write a report to the Hokage, and I’ll send back this teleporting scroll.’

‘Are you running out on us again?’

Sakura looked about to punch him, or to cry.

‘No. I’ll keep the Hokage updated on my mission.’

‘And your wife?’

‘My wife is doing very well on her own.’

She bit her lower lip, tears sliding down her face. ‘Shit, Sasuke, why… Why don’t you care about us?’

He looked surprised. ‘I care.’

‘No you don’t! Caring would be asking for news! Caring would be _sending_ news, and spending time with us, instead of with your best friend! Do you know how Sarada feels about her father abandoning her?’

He looked uneasy. If that were Naruto, he’d be able to tell him how he had trouble connecting with his kid, how _scared_ he was of letting her down, of betraying her trust and, worst of all, of _loving_ her.

Naruto was the only bond he couldn’t sever, because Naruto _just_ _wouldn’t die_. Naruto was the only one he trusted to stay by his side. He couldn’t stand losing anyone anymore.

‘Are you unhappy?’ he asked, and Sakura laughed.

‘Unhappy? I’m miserable! I love Sarada, and I love my life, but… but this is not the marriage I had envisioned for us!’

‘I hadn’t envisioned anything’ he stated blankly. ‘I told you I wanted an heir for the Uchiha Clan.’

‘You agreed to _marry_ me.’

‘This is how Uchiha marry’ he sighed, because it wasn’t the first time they had this argument. ‘We marry to honor our clan, not out of a childish illusion of love. I would have wed someone my parents chose, if they had lived. My duty is to my Clan.’

‘You’re a jerk.’

Sakura went back to the teleporting scroll. ‘You like being an Uchiha so much you don’t care about hurting your own child? Fine! Enjoy being the only one left, _again_. I’m filing for divorce.’

She disappeared in a puff and, as always, Sasuke felt the weight of his father’s disapproving eyes on him. _Divorce? What an utter shame!_

But he was alone now, with even Naruto gone, so he found out he couldn’t care less.


	6. Scrambled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto takes action. Sasuke deals with with consequences.

Naruto hadn’t been home in weeks. He wanted to fix things, but he just couldn’t bear Hinata’s hurt. He knew he’d messed up, he’d apologized, when was the ‘moving on’ part?

He hated himself for hurting her. He loved her so much, he really did not hurt her on purpose. And she knew that.

Still, she couldn’t forgive.

He’d went against her explicit will, behind her back, _lying_ about it. He’d hurt her, and Sakura. His kids hadn’t noticed a thing, thankfully, but Sarada was also mad at him.

Sakura had set a divorce procedure in motion. Naruto had tried to dissuade her from it, arguing this was barely Sasuke’s fault. She’d said this was but the tipping scale.

Still, divorce was bad. It would tarnish their reputation. People in Konoha gossiped a lot. Plus, they would probably say it was Sakura’s fault, because for some reason most gossips hated her. Many of them were Sasuke’s fans.

He was loaded in paperwork. He hated it. When had his exciting ninja life turned into signing dull papers and planing parties? He was a fighter! He was the strongest man on Earth! Why the hell was he stuck on desk duty? He ought to be outside, with Sasuke, protecting Konoha from danger!

Not inside, deciding how to color-coordinate the next diplomatic meeting.

Sure, this was important too. Diplomacy and politics where actually crucial to the village’s well-being. But it wasn’t Naruto’s strong suit, more like the opposite. Naruto was a man of action. He didn’t like thinking, he didn’t _need_ thinking, he acted according to his gut feeling.

Planning intricate rendez-vous with important dignitaires was something a clever, patient and forward looking person could success in.

Naruto was anything but.

He jumped when an hawk flew in, landing messily on his desk. Sasuke’s messenger. It was carrying a message and a scroll. The teleporting scroll.

Naruto cringed, and quickly looked at the mission report. No mention of anything personal. Only mission details. Not even his name, only ‘Hokage’.

Was this going to be his life?

 

No.

 

Naruto had never been one to give up. He’d never been one to wallow in self-pity (not for long, anyways).

He needed a plan, or better yet, he needed _action_.

 

*

 

‘I know this is not what you wanted’ Naruto said apologetically. ‘But I think it would work. Even though it’s not… conventional.’

‘To say the least.’ Hinata frowned lightly.

For one, she didn’t like the idea of Naruto wandering off, even though she agreed it made much more sense for him to go on the field than to stay at a desk all day. He would be back for important meetings, though.

And he hated the part where he got to ‘explore whatever that thing was with Sasuke’.

‘You know I love you. But he’s just a part of me. Not a Sage-thing, exactly, but fated just the same. I want to preserve our family, but don’t keep me from _this_. Whatever _this_ is.’

Honestly, she would have said no if she’d not had weeks to think about how Naruto was actually going to leave her. She didn’t want to bring shame to the Hyuga family like that, and what he offered was better.

It still stung though. She always thought she had an advantage over Sasuke by simply being a woman —because Naruto was definitely straight, even though all his thoughts were focused on his male best friend.

‘And about… the Hokage part?’

‘I will think about it.’

 

*

 

Sasuke frowned when he noticed the handwriting on Naruto’s mission update. This wasn’t his. Had anything happened? The mission was neater and easier to read, though.

It’d been seven months since he’d last seem Naruto.

The signature stated: ‘Standing Hokage’.

He headed back to Konoha.

 

*

 

He arrived by night and went straight to the Hokage’s office. Through the window, he could see Hinata at the desk, working on some paperwork, while Boruto studied on the floor and Himawari drew besides him.

He couldn’t sense Naruto’s chakra at all.

He avoided the ANBU guards posted on the roof and silently slid in the building.

‘Uncle Sasu!’ Boruto yelled when he pushed the opened door, running to him to hug him.

Sasuke put a hand over his head and looked at Hinata. ‘Where is Naruto?’

She put her pen down. ‘Good evening, Sasuke.’

He gently pushed past Boruto to put the scroll he’d received on the Hokage’s desk. ‘This is not his handwriting.’ But he could now see clearly that it belonged to her on the document she was working on.

‘Is he injured?’

Hinata tightened her lips. ‘Boruto, would you mind taking your sister outside?’

‘But it’s Uncle Sasu!’ the blond boy pouted. ‘I almost never see him!’

‘Please’ Hinata insisted gently.

Boruto stuck his tongue out, but complied.

‘What’s going on, Hyuga?’ Sasuke asked when the door was closed.

‘Please call me Hokage-sama, Sasuke-kun’ Hinata replied quietly. ‘As Hokage, I now over-rank you.’

He frowned. ‘ _Where is Naruto?_ ’

‘The Hokage is on a mission.’

He looked confused. ‘I assume you’re the ‘standing Hokage’, then?’

‘You assume correctly. Naruto appointed me to look over some of his duties. Shikamaru-san and a few others also bear the title. The ’Hokage’ is now a council of elected people.’

Sasuke stilled. ‘Naruto is no longer the sole Hokage?’

‘He is not, though he gets the final say in battle.’

‘How…’ He swallowed his disbelief and sighed. ‘Is he alright?’

‘Is that all you wanted to ask?’

She acted, as always, very polite. No wonder for the Hyuga heiress.

‘I bet you’re in charge of diplomacy’ he said. ‘ _Is Naruto alright?_ ’

‘He is.’

‘Fine, then.’ He turned his back and was about to go out when Hinata called to him.

‘Don’t hurt him again.’

He stilled. ‘I don’t see how I could do that when he’s not reached out once in eight months.’

‘Even though, you keep finding new ways to hurt him. If you really love him, don’t reach out.’

He gritted his teeth. ‘I won’t.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this Hokage business is vague, but I wanted to write a short story without thinking too much about it. So this is just an idea of what Naruto could have done to make Konoha better (because, let's face it, he's not a very good decision maker when it comes to politics). 
> 
> The issue is that the manga shows the Hokage as both the protector and the leader of Konoha, which makes him a strong soldier with administrative proficiency. The only Hokage we saw pull that off is Tsunade who, as a fighting medic, knows how to deal with other stuff than killing peoples. 
> 
> Naruto is very bad at paperwork and works best as a field captain, motivating his troops and facing the battle heads on. He'd be the worst Hokage. So the only reason Konoha would have to elect him would be that he can kick anyone's ass and is definitely Kage-level, which means he's either loved of feared. He makes the perfect lead figure for the village, but no-one would entrust actual decisions to him.
> 
> So, in this version, I went for Naruto figuring that out and handing parts of his job to more competent people.
> 
> Actually... the fact that in the manga we don't see Naruto become Hokage is quite telling. Naruto achieves his goal by getting Sasuke to acknowledge him, and by saving him from loneliness and self-destruction. So he succeeds not by becoming Hokage (which is actually incidental to his dream) but by getting people to recognise his value and forging bonds. I'm okay with that ending.


	7. Boiled eggs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke and Naruto catch up for a little heart to heart.

Sasuke didn’t relax often, but when he stumbled on a natural spring of hot water, he decided to take a break.

Most of the updates he received where from Shikamaru’s hand, but he still had to concede Hinata was doing a good job. He was on a special mission so he didn’t get ordered around much, but the Huyga was still being very fair about it, considering he’d kissed her husband.

But Naruto still hadn’t reached out, and they hadn’t seen each other in almost a year, so Sasuke really needed that break. Besides, he was supposed to investigate nearby.

Part of him wondered why he bothered anymore.

He got out of his clothes and slid into the hot water, sighing. Now his divorce was final, Sakura had taken back her own name and he was, again, the last Uchiha.

Uchihas should all die, anyways. Bury that damn Sharingan with them.

He closed his eyes, sensing small bubbles of air running on his skin before rising to the surface. If that place hadn’t been so removed, it would have been turned into a popular onsen by now.

Maybe he shouldn’t have let Naruto kiss him.

He looked at the clear sky over his head, where a few birds were flying.

If he’d listened to Sakura, he wouldn’t have lost both his wife and his best friend. Plus, Sakura was mad at him, and she was the only other person to actually like him, sort of.

He would have quit, and left Konoha behind, but Naruto would probably still hunt his ass down and bring him back to the village no matter what. He’d dragged too many ninjas into this in the past; it was now a matter of principle.

Fuck, he missed him.

He took a breath and slid underwater, listening to the air bubbling around him for a while. Then he got out and startled.

‘I bet you’re brooding, ain’t ya?’

Naruto should _not_ have looked so good. Since when did he start being gorgeous rather than loud, obnoxious and plain annoying? His hair shone in the sun like strands of gold.

‘What are you doing here?’ Sasuke snapped, looking around to find his clothes had been removed and carefully stashed into a tree. ‘Give back my clothes.’

‘No way, you’ll run away, I know you’ Naruto grinned, getting out of his own clothes before getting in the warm pool of water.

Sasuke hated orange, but he eyed at his friend’s attired nonetheless.

‘I’ll bring back your stuff, bastard’ Naruto smiled. ‘But let’s have a little chat first.’

Sasuke hid his sigh under water. ‘What’s that, about Konoha having a club of Hokages now?’

‘A council’ Naruto said, seriously. ‘I figured it’s ridiculous to hand one person all the tasks of running a village, even when they obviously suck at it.’

‘Since when are you _actually_ interested in politics?’ Sasuke asked, suspicious, but his friend laughed.

‘Maybe I’m growing up!’

The Uchiha couldn’t help but smile at that. Moron.

‘So… you’re not Hokage anymore?’

‘I’m still Hokage in chief!’ Naruto grinned. ‘But I’m mainly doing stuff I’m good at, now, like talking people into liking Konoha and kicking ass!’

They wouldn’t be talking about the egg, Sasuke realised, nor anything related. Naruto was really back, as his friend! And if something tugged at his heart when he understood this, Sasuke gladly ignored it. Anything to get that idiot back.

Naruto was still grinning when he slid by his side under the water. ‘Hey, your spot has bubbles coming out of it!’

Sasuke snorted, then tried to casually get away from the naked man; but Naruto wouldn’t let him have it and slide an arm over his shoulders. ‘Come on, Sas’, don’t give me that crap!’

Sasuke looked away. He had to act as naturally as possible to avoid the eggy subject.

‘So… what have you been up to?’

‘Oh wow, are you chitchatting?’

Sasuke pouted. ‘Fine. You talk. Loud-mouth.’

Naruto laughed near his ear. He was far too close for comfort, but Sasuke couldn’t really remark on it.

‘I’ve been investigating the same thing you have, Kaguya and all. I bet you’re planning to pay a visit to the nearby village’s mayor? That’s where I’m heading anyways.’

Sasuke glared. ‘Well, there’s no need for both of us to go, then.’

‘Seriously? Just come along, bastard! I’d be great, like old times!’

The Uchiha bit down a reply asking about when they’d _ever_ gone into a mission by themselves before. That time with the golden statue and the accidental kiss didn’t count.

Naruto’s arm slid away and the ninja was suddenly facing him. ‘Also, I had a talk with Hinata. And, uh. With Sakura-chan too, but… you know that.’

At least he had the decency to look slightly guilty.

‘I don’t see _you_ getting a divorce’ Sasuke snarled.

‘Sakura is already happier’ Naruto scolded. ‘I even heard she’s dating.’

Sasuke should have retorted, but he actually didn’t care. ‘Good for her.’

‘I think so, too.’

Sasuke gritted his teeth. ‘So. You’ve come to talk about own shitty a husband I was.’

‘Nah, I’ve come to talk about how cheaty a husband _I_ was.’

‘I don’t want to talk about it.’

‘You’ll want to.’

‘I beg to differ.’ He tried to get past Naruto to reach his clothes, but the blond ninja slid both arms around his waist, which would prove problematic if Sasuke tried to force his way out. They were both naked, and the chidori would electrocute both of them in this water.

Not that it didn’t sound tempting.

Especially with Naruto’s face so close to his own.

‘I want to understand what’s going on between us’ he whispered.

‘ _Nothing’s_ going on’ Sasuke snarled, trying to push him away. ‘You’re _going on_ by yourself!’

‘I really don’t think I am’ Naruto grinned while poking underwater. Sasuke blemished.

‘Don’t— Don’t touch tha— id— _idiot!_ ’

Naruto let go, but slid his hand back around Sasuke’s waist and pressed him against his own body.

‘See, we’re part of each other, and we can’t get around that.’

‘That doesn’t mean we have to get _weird_ about it!’ Sasuke panicked, reverting back to his younger days, when Itachi had teased him into having ‘the talk’.

‘It’s not weird. It actually _fits_.’

‘You’re the one who got scared last time, you moron! You ran away from me like I was some sort of diseased freak!’

‘Yeah I… didn’t handle that well, did I?’ Naruto chuckled awkwardly. ‘I’m sorry about it. It _did_ get freaked out, but now I’ve thought it through and—‘

‘Don’t you just dump that shit on me, dumbass!’

Sasuke pushed him far enough to get away and go for the clothes. Unfortunately, Naruto wasn’t far behind and caught up immediately; they struggled on the grass for a time, until Sasuke gave up, looking away in panic.

‘Your stupid _thing_ is on my tight!’

‘My _thing?_ Come on Sas’, what are you, six?’

But he _was_ six again, because he hadn’t gotten that much emotional experience in the field since then.

‘This is really freaking you out, is it?’

‘ _Yes!_ ’

Naruto backed off instantly, throwing Sasuke his tunic and putting on his own boxers. Sasuke kneeled down, out of breath.

‘Why _the fuck_ do you want to change things? Weren’t we good before that?’

Naruto seemed serious, for once. ‘Yeah, we were. But we’d be good that way too. I meant, you remember _that kiss_ , right?’

‘No’ Sasuke lied.

‘You were grinding.’

The other hesitated, then gave up and asked, reluctantly: ‘What’s _grinding?_ ’

‘How did you _ever_ manage to get a daughter?’ Naruto asked, sincerely bewildered. ‘Sakura did most of the work, did she?’

Sasuke pouted. It looked cute.

Naruto slowly went to sit next to him. ‘I know you enjoyed it’ he said. ‘What I want to know is, would you enjoy doing it _again?_ ’

‘You’re married’ Sasuke pointed out.

‘I’ve sorted thinks out with Hinata. She’s not overjoyed, but she’s agreed to let me see you. We’ve… err. We’ve separated.’

Of course a Hyuga wouldn’t divorce. Naruto’s grin seemed so wide.

‘You okay?’

‘Not… well, I’ve messed things up with my family, haven’t I? Not that the kids will notice any difference, I mean, I spent more time with you than with them anyways.’

Sasuke’s eyebrows rose at the admission. He’d always pictured Naruto as a dotting dad, not an absentee like himself.

‘That means we’re both single, sort of’ Naruto grinned. ‘And, yeah, Konoha wouldn’t let us go about this in the open, but… you don’t really want to go public anyways, do you?’

‘I don’t want to go _anything_ ’ Sasuke warned.

Naruto didn’t seem convinced. ‘So you’re telling me, you don’t want a repeat of last time’s mind-blowing kiss?’

‘No.’

He was _not_ messing things up again, Naruto be damned.

‘Liar.’

‘ _I’m_ the liar?’

Naruto grinned, and Sasuke’s heart pounded harder in his chest. He glanced at the bunch of remaining clothes, though he could sort of run away in this tunic. Fighting was out of the question, not with his privates feeling the breeze.

‘I’ll cut you a deal’, Naruto smiled and wrapped an arm around the other’s waist. ‘We kiss once and if you don’t want more, we’ll never do it again.’

‘Better yet: we don’t kiss, I get my clothes back and you _fuck off_.’

His friend chuckled. ‘You scared?’

Sasuke frowned.

‘Ah, fine, if you’re scared I’m not gonna insist, you pussy’ Naruto added, grinning widely because he just _knew_ he knew how to push Sasuke’s buttons, that idiot.

‘Like that will work’ Sasuke growled.

‘Oh yeah? Maybe you’re just afraid because you’re such a bad kisser, you scaredy cat.’

Sasuke closed his eyes, balled his fists and counted out to ten. ‘I’ll chidori you, moron.’

He opened his eyes again and Naruto’s face was right above his. Luckily, he didn’t have space to startle. ‘You are going to insist until I cave.’

‘Maybe.’

‘Jerk move.’

‘Fitting for a jerk.’

‘You’re the jerk, harassing me like that’ Sasuke pointed out.

‘I’m not harassing you’ Naruto scoffed, rolling his eyes. Then he thought about it for a minute. ‘…Am I?’

‘You’re insisting I kiss you went I’ve made abundantly clear I don’t want to. Figure it out, genius."

Naruto looked taken aback. "Uh. Shit."

Slightly reassured his friend would stop pestering him (for now), Sasuke pushed him away and got up to fetch his clothes.

One second later, Naruto was standing next to him. "Okay, but, if _I want_ to kiss you and _you don’t_ want to kiss me, how do we sort that out?"

"Simple. We don’t kiss."

"But you’d be getting what you want and not me! And— I’m not saying I should be the only one to get what I want, but why should only one of us get it?"

"We can’t split kisses, moron" Sasuke groaned. "Let it go."

Naruto pouted. "Not fair."

"Besides, you already got to kiss me."

"Yes, and it was… really cool." Naruto started daydreaming.

Deciding to ignore him, Sasuke dressed up and stuck the orange tunic in his friend’s arms.

"Alright, I got an idea" Naruto stated, grinning from ear to ear (Sasuke glared). "What I about, I _do_ kiss you…"

« No."

"Oi, I’m not done, you jerk! Here, uh. I _do_ kiss you, but only if you actually, truly, really, _sincerely_ want it."

"I… what?" Sasuke felt suspicious. Something was up.

"Can you swear that there is _absolutely no part of you_ who doesn’t want to kiss me again? Like, you’re an honest guy, you wouldn’t lie to me about it, right?"

His blue gaze seemed more innocent than ever, as if that moronic suggestion wasn’t entirely twisted. Sasuke cringed.

"I don’t want to kiss you."

"Is that a lie?"

Sasuke glared. "Get off my back, idiot."

" _But is that a lie?_ "

"I don’t want to kiss you, moron!"

Naruto pouted. "Okay, listen, I won’t kiss you even if you tell me you’d like that."

"I don’t…" Sasuke sighed. "You’re aggravating."

Naruto grinned. "Yeah? You haven’t given me a straight answer yet, bastard."

"What makes you so sure I’m not telling the truth?"

Naruto shrugged. "Dunno. A hunch."

Sasuke refrained from rolling his eyes again. "I don’t want to kiss you" he repeated.

Naruto’s smile faltered. "Oh." He looked away. "Okay, then. Sorry ‘bout that, I guess." He scratched the back of his neck, looking at his feet, dejected.

Sasuke sighed. "Why is that so important to you, idiot? Who cares about a kiss?"

"Well, it’s…" Naruto blushed. "It’s not really a kiss per say, more like… More like I really like you?" He pinched his lips, tears trembling at the corner of his eyes. "But it’s fine!" he exclaimed, chuckling awkwardly behind a forced smile. "I mean, it’s not that important, I guess, just, like…" He looked away. "Maybe we should get to that mission, right? You and me, together again? The town won’t know what hit it!"

Sasuke cocked his head. "You’re half naked."

"What? Right! I’ll dress up, don’t leave without me, you bastard!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder if Hinata, as a Hyuga, would be fine with a divorce or if she would prefer (or be forced into) a separation to keep up appearances. The Hyuga, to me, are a very traditional clan, even wore than the Uchiha since they enslave and kill their own family members... I really picture them in a negative way ^^;


	8. Cracking the case

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh no, the "only one bed" cliché, RUN!!

This was awkward. Not the fact that their "new lead" was actually something Sasuke already knew about, or that the only hotel room left had only one bed (Sasuke had rented it himself, and now Naruto was pulling a face).

However, Naruto chuckling all the time for no reason while looking sad when he thought Sasuke wouldn’t notice was kinda awkward. Him making sure there was always at least one arm length between them was awkward. Naruto sleeping on the floor? Very awkward.

"Just climb into bed already" Sasuke eventually groaned when he was done hearing the other shivering on the cold planks. "You paid for that room."

"I’m fine!" Naruto exclaimed at the same time his teeth clicked on one another. "Very comfy. Stop waking me up!"

Sasuke repressed a sigh. "You’re a very bad liar. A very _cold_ liar. I’m not going to insist, so just stop babying around, idiot."

He could feel Naruto ponder from his spot on the freezing floor, and eventually heard him slid under the covers, trying his best to keep a distance.

"Why are you so difficult" Sasuke grumbled.

" _I_ am difficult?" Naruto shouted, offended. "You’re the one who—" He interrupted himself and turned his back to him. "Nevermind."

"Just because people don’t cave in to your every whim…"

"It’s not a whim!"

"Yeah, right."

Naruto sat up. "It’s _not_ a whim."

Sasuke straightened up too, frowning. "Would it go away if we fucked?"

"Wha…?" Naruto’s eyes widened as he blushed fiercely. "No! Of course not, you bastard, I just said it’s _not_ a whim!"

"Oh, well, then I _will_ kiss you, but only if you actually, truly, really, _sincerely_ want it" Sasuke replied sarcastically.

Naruto glared. "You’re such a jerk."

"Right back at you, moron."

Sasuke was about to lay back down when he felt Naruto’s hand wrapping around his wrist. "I’ll break your arm" he warned.

"I know" Naruto replied, grabbing his hair nonetheless.

" _And_ your ribs."

"Go ahead. Just kill me again, I really don’t care. That’s how bad I already feel."

Sasuke growled. "Are you being dramatic for a change?"

Naruto pressed his forehead against his. "I really thought that could happen, ya know. At least give me some time to adjust."

Sasuke felt a warm, wet drop fell on his cheek. "I don’t owe you anything, moron" he reminded him, almost gently.

"I know."

Naruto let go of his hair, petting him once to ease the pain of his grip. Then he released his wrist.

"Why am I such an idiot?" he whispered. "I had the almost perfect life, with a lovely wife and a good job, and I let it all go to hell."

"Maybe it wasn’t that perfect" Sasuke pointed out as his friend went back to laying next to him. He turned around but Naruto was hiding his face with a fist.

Hesitating, he took it out of the way. "Do you love me?"

"Uh." Naruto chuckled, sadly. "Too much for my own good."

Sasuke rubbed his thumb against the arm he was holding, gently. "Then stop force-feeding me eggs."

"I’m not—"

He caught his gaze and pinched his lips. "I’m sorry, Sas. I know sometimes I’m too pushy I… I just don’t know how to do things any other way. This is what worked for me until now."

"Hn."

Sasuke scooted closer, resting his head against the other’s. "I’m not you, moron. I don’t like being manhandled."

Naruto looked at his face, his blue eyes translucent and clear in the dark air of the night. "I love you."

Sasuke didn’t answer, listening to their breathing instead.

"I wish you’d love me back."

"What if I don’t?"

Naruto grinned, but tears fell down his eyes. "I’d get over it, ‘ttebayo! Who cares about being loved by such a jerk!"

Sasuke smirked. "You are a moron." He leant in and pressed his lips against his friend’s whiskers, on the cheek. "No egg, unless it’s on a meal."

Naruto chuckled, an awkward but relieved laugher. "So you _do_ like me back, bastard."

"Maybe."

"Can I kiss you then?"

"What if I say no?"

Naruto shrugged, smiling at him mischievously. "I guess I wouldn’t mind as much. Told ya, it’s not really about fooling around. »

Sasuke smiled back, softly.

"Alright. Kiss me, then."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why I typed that they'd be 10 chapters. Clearly I don't know how to count.
> 
> Thank you for reading this until the end, and thank you for your comments!!! They really kept me going. Have a nice day :)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm having a hard time editing Total Eclipse Of the Heart so I finished this piece instead. Oops but I'm not sorry, I really like this one.


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